In the Middle

So a couple weeks ago my family met with the prosecutor for my dad's case. As predicted he chose to not go further with a trial and the meeting was basically pointless. I found myself getting lost in the sight of Mt. Baker and the Puget Sound. It was a glorious, sunny day and I did my best to not let certain things get to me. I had to clear my head after the meeting so I headed to the one place that always makes me feel better... My friend's parents own property up at Lake Rosinger. Mostly its just some grass and a dock, but to me it's my little chunk of heaven. When I'm feeling down I like to go up there and sit on the dock. The quietness and fresh air clears my mind and the calming ripple of the waves soothe my soul. I am grateful I have a place like that even if it isn't my own. Someday I hope to own my own spot on the water. I can't decide if I want to live on a lake or ocean, but wherever I end up I know I will be happy.

Right now I think I'm in a weird blah like state. I've been waiting for the decision about my dad's case for a year. I've gone from sad to happy to angry and so forth and now that it's pretty much over I don't really know how to feel. My friend said that this is the point where things are going to start to change, but it's hard for me to see what she sees. I have no idea what the next few months hold, but I'm hoping with all my heart that I find some answers and things turn out the way they should. I'm trying so hard to just live my life one day at a time, but I'm not very good at waiting. I want so many things for myself especially after this past year and I'm really ready to move on and start heading down the path I so badly want. I just have to remember to breathe and to be patient. Maybe if I let life happen, instead of worrying, things will work out.

"It had been my repeated experience that when you said to life calmly and firmly (but very firmly!) 'I trust you; do what you must,' life had an uncanny way of responding to your need." Olga Ilyn