"My home is not a place, it is people."

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the concept of a home. Literally speaking a home is the place where one resides; a roof over your head so to speak. But I feel like home is so much more than that. In these last couple years I have lived in a few different places, yet I have this constant feeling that now matter where I am I lack the feeling of home. When I think of home I think of somewhere no matter where you go in life you know that there is a place you can always go back to, a place that washes away the worries of your every day life. I also believe that home isn't merely physical, but more emotional. Home can also be found within the people you love. There are times when I feel like I don't have a home and that thought alone causes a great deal of heartache. And I wallow in that. But there are other times when I realize that all I really need to feel at home is to be in the precense of the people I care most about. When I am with them I feel whole again, like I can finally be myself and rid those worries that bring my spirit down. Sometimes I take those people for granted, but deep down they mean everything to me. So for now on when I feel lonely or even "homeless" I am going to reflect on the people I have in my life and remember that no matter what I do or where I go they will forever remain my home.

Annie use you telescope...

"Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty." Into the Wild

It's amazing that something so simple as talking can help you face even your deepest problems. All you need is a willing friend and a little time. Last night I had one of the best talks with a girl I admire so much. I thought I knew her, but I learned much more than I could ever imagine. This girl is holding the world on her shoulders and the weight is starting to bring her down. She is so used to conformity that it's become her own personal prison. What she struggles to see is how amazing she is and how much potential she has to make a difference in this world.  All she needs to do is let go of her inhibitions and her life will having meaning once again. My biggest hope for her is that she sees what I see in herself and takes that first step to becoming the person she is meant to be. I have faith in her and I hope she's knows that I will be by her side through thick and thin.

Love you lil sis :)

Double Deuces

I have now been living upon the earth for 22 years. It blows my mind considering I don't feel that old, let alone act my age. Although I had a great time, this birthday was a little rough for me. I can't stand the fact that my dad isn't here to watch my grow up and become the person I long to be. Friday night, the eve of my birthday, I stopped at the weigh station hoping to find some answers and all I found was sadness. It probably wasn't one of my better ideas. Saturday, I couldn't help but miss my dad. I really didn't think I could enjoy myself, even surrounded by my family and friends. But something great happened. As the night progressed I found myself in the presence of 3 people I care deeply for. They brought joy into my night and lifted my spirits. It was one of the best nights I have had in a long time. I realized that although I am sad, I cannot wallow in self pity. Instead I must look for the good in life and learn to appreciate what I have been given. I cannot take anything for granted. I am so very thankful for the people I have in my life. Without them I am nothing.

I want so badly to believe...

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."

"Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air…"

I am in love with Mother Nature. Every single day I find myself lost in her beauty. I truly believe it is the simple things in life that matter and most of us take them for granted. It's like our eyes are closed and we miss those things right in front of us. My eyes have been opened. At least once I day I find time to look, and I mean really look at that which surrounds me; from the mountains to the ocean and everything in between. In doing so I am overwhelmed with hope that some day I may have the chance to find my place in this world. It's like my feet are on the ground and I can finally take that first step towards the rest of my life.

I strongly urge you to do the same. If you take just one single second out of your day to open your eyes and see what I see, maybe you too can feel as alive as I do.

Remember: "If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently..."

"I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles."

Someone once told me I was the strongest person they knew. But what does it mean to have strength? According to dictionary.com one definition for strength is to have moral power, firmness, or courage. I'm not really satisfied with that answer. To me strength means that in times of hardship you find the courage to keep going, to be that person someone can look to when they are at their worst, even if deep down you are hurting as well. I don't know if I possess that kind of strength but what I do know is that if you can see the light in the darkest of times, no matter how small that light might be, then you, my friend, have all the strength in the world.

"If you want to change who you are, you have to change what you do..."

I don't necessarily want to change who I am. I like who I am. But I'm not happy. If you really knew me you would know what I have gone through this past year. Throughout everything I can honestly say I am ok. Of course there are days when I feel terrible, but that's to be expected with what I've gone through. Ok is not happy though. Ok is keeping your chin up, putting on a smile, and doing what you have to do to get by. I want to be happy, I want peace. So I'm making changes to my life. I'm changing what I do. I'm listening to my heart for once. Yes, it might lead me astray and yes I might end up getting hurt, but my heart, my feelings know what I truly want and I'll be damned if I don't give it every ounce of my being to do what I have to do to feel happy for once in my life.